Rain check
by Danaides
Summary: GSR - A bad dream and a surprising invitation..Please R&R and be kind, it's my first fan-fic. Chapters 2 & 3 posted - COMPLETE
1. The dream

Grissom entered the break room quietly. He had noticed from outside the glass doors that Sara was asleep on the couch. He slowly walked to the coffee pot and filled his empty mug. He turned around and looked at the pretty brunette on the couch. _That couch cannot be comfortable. How does she manage to be beautiful even when she sleeps?_

Just then something on the floor by the couch caught his eye. He slowly walked over and bent down just inches from her. Her pen had obviously fallen from her hand, which was limply hanging over the edge of the couch. She had a file folder open laying flat on her chest and it slightly grazed her chin with every deep breath. He recognized the file as the case she had been working on for two days. It was a fairly open and shut case and he assumed she was writing her final report when she fell into an unintentional slumber. Suddenly, Sara's head jerked in her sleep and her breathing become shallow, almost like she was gasping. Grissom jumped back slightly not wanting her to wake with him so close to her. Her arms flew up to her throat and the file fell on the floor. Her hands moved from her throat to her chest and her mouth opened as she apparently struggled to breath. Grissom moved closer and he reached out his arm to shake her awake. At that moment Sara's eyes suddenly flew open and she sat up quickly with her mouth open in a silent scream. Her glazed expression was one of fear as she saw Grissom staring at her with his arm stretched out towards her. As he quickly retracted his arm, Grissom thought that if he didn't know better he would have sworn she looked terrified of him. Maybe he didn't know better, maybe she was frightened of him. The cloudiness finally cleared from Sara's eyes and she spoke.

"Grissom?"

"Uh yeah, are you ok?

The concern in his voice was apparent even though he had the ever-present conflicted look in his eyes. It was all she ever seemed to see in them lately.

"Umm fine, you surprised me that's all. I just uh, had a bad dream."

"What happened?" Grissom stood up and backed up into the table, he laid her pen on it and waited for her to respond.

"What do you mean?" Sara asked, looking confused.

"I mean your dream, do you remember what happened?'

"Oh. I -" She paused and picked the file up from the floor and placed it on the couch. As she stood up she felt Grissom watching her, obviously waiting for a response.

"What time is it?" She was speaking more to herself than to Grissom as she glanced at her watch.

"Shift's been over for an hour, you should go home." Grissom took the file with her report off the couch and added it to the pile of papers in his arms. "You can finish this tonight, I'll just keep it on my desk for now."

Sara could tell from Grissom's voice that it was not negotiable, even if she had wanted to stay and finish it or take it home; he wasn't going to let her.

"O.K." She said quietly as her eyes darted around the room. Grissom waited another moment but then turned to leave. As he opened the door Sara's voice stopped him.

"I was dying."

Grissom spun around to face Sara, not quite sure if he heard her correctly.

"My dream - I remember I was dying. Suffocating actually."

"How?"

Sara's gaze moved to the floor and she suddenly appeared nervous. _I should have just ignored his question, I mean he seemed willing to let it go but I...oh crap, it's too late now. _

"You." She avoided his eyes as she spoke.

Grissom looked intently at Sara now and took a step forward. "What? You mean, I was-"

"You were suffocating me," Sara interrupted him and stared at her pen on the table as she spoke. "It was so strange because you weren't actually touching me but I couldn't breath, the pressure on my chest was unbearable and I was struggling to get air but nothing I did helped. You were just standing in front of me, looking down on me because I was kneeling I think..." She paused and chanced looking at Grissom to see his reaction. He hadn't moved and was apparently expecting her to continue. "Anyway, I don't remember much else except thinking that I didn't understand how you could be killing me without ever touching me." The meaning in her words went way beyond her disturbing dream and Grissom finally looked away from her. _At least now I know why she looked scared of me when she woke up._

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Sara spoke again. "Well, I guess I'll go home." She paused to see if Grissom would respond but he didn't, as usual. Sara picked up her jacket and headed towards the door. As she passed Grissom her shoulder brushed against his arm and she had to make a conscious effort to not show how his touch, even the lightest contact, affected her.

"Sara, wait." Grissom's hand landed on her shoulder and she jumped slightly. Sara turned and waited for him to speak.

"I was just wondering if uh, if you would like to get some breakfast.... with me", he added hesitantly.

Sara looked stunned and a little suspicious. _What the? I dream he's trying to kill me and suddenly he wants to go out with me. I should tell him about my other dreams; god knows what he might ask me to do then._

Grissom could almost see the wheels turning in Sara's head as various emotions crossed her face. He had been trying to mend their friendship for the past few months, although most of his efforts seemed to meet with resistance, suspicion or a cynical comment. He couldn't blame her; it was his fault that their relationship had deteriorated in the first place.

"Actually, I am pretty tired still so I think I'll just go home." She could see the disappointment register on his face and she blurted out "Rain check?" before she could stop herself. _Damn it – I'm pathetic, so afraid to disappoint him I...I have to get out of here._

Grissom nodded silently and watched her walk away towards the locker room. With a heavy sigh he turned and walked to his office. As he settled in his chair he mulled over what had just happened. _I know she is unhappy and that at least in part it's because of me. But to actually dream I was trying to kill her? It was just a dream. I don't believe they mean anything, just a natural occurrence in REM sleep, a healthy outlet for the troubled mind. Could they be symbolic? Well, she certainly seemed to think so. Maybe she has really given up on me, on us. I would have. I did. No, I didn't which is why I rambled on like a pitiable fool during Lurie's interview. Thank god Sara didn't hear it. I can just imagine what she would have thought. She said "rain check?". So there's hope. I guess hope will have to do for now. _

_TBC?_


	2. Games

Since I am new at this, my first chapter is missing:  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:** The characters and any other references to CSI episodes are not mine. I own nothing but my obsession with them.  
  
**SPOILERS:** Slight ref to Butterflied in Chapter 1. Season 4 post Butterflied is fair game for chapters 2 & 3.  
  
Thank you so much for the reviews, they gave me the boost I needed to keep going with this! I don't have a beta but if anyone is interested in being one I would be grateful. This is a short chapter but the next and final chapter is longer. Enjoy!

Sara lay in bed staring at her ceiling. She was so tired but sleep wouldn't come. Her mind was racing with the details of her earlier conversation with Grissom.  
  
_Why now? It was just a dream; surely he didn't think it was significant. That just wouldn't be logical. But he may have realized I did. To me it was very clear. I am dying. Very slowly and very painfully. It began in my heart and seems to be spreading to all my vital organs. If I keep going like this, there will be nothing left. It's just a matter of time.  
_  
The weeks passed quickly and the cases kept flooding in. The criminal element in Vegas just never let up. Although Grissom had been working with Sara more and he seemed to be trying, she just couldn't trust it or understand it. They never spoke of the dream or his subsequent invitation. Sometimes he would start to say something, and his manner implied it was not related to a case, but then he would stop and talk about a piece of evidence.  
  
Occasionally Sara would catch him looking at her and try to hold his stare, but he didn't look away as quickly as he used to and she was often the one to break the connection. His eyes showed emotions that were still conflicted but softer somehow. Maybe he was just tired too, tired of the game.

Then he recommended Nick for the Lead CSI position.  
  
The shift was over but Grissom sat in his office absently moving paper around his desk. Today Sara had confronted him. They were alone processing Sam Braun's limo and she asked him about the promotion. He hadn't expected her to be so direct.  
  
_She wanted to know why. The reason had made sense to me up until then. It sounded perfectly reasonable. She said it was a stupid reason. I was so sure and then she called me on it. She was right. It was a stupid reason. I thought I was unbiased, always the professional, fair judgment at all times. Except when it involves her.  
_  
Grissom's thoughts were interrupted as he glanced up and saw Sara walk past his office. She didn't stop or even toss a cursory goodbye in his direction. In fact, Grissom could have sworn her pace actually quickened.  
  
_I can't blame her. She's hurt and disappointed and I'm the cause. I don't want to be the cause of her pain anymore. If she will listen, I will tell her everything that should have been said long ago. I just hope it's not too little, too late.  
_  
Sara crossed the Crime Lab parking lot in record time. Today was so disappointing she just couldn't get out of there fast enough. She knew Grissom saw her leave and he didn't call to her. She couldn't even bring herself to be civil, she didn't trust herself enough to even say goodbye.  
  
Sara sank low in the seat of car with her head leaning on the headrest.

_I guess I was wrong, let the games continue. _


	3. Redeeming Value

**DISCLAIMERS:** The characters and any other references to CSI episodes are not mine. I own nothing but my obsession with them.  
  
**SPOILERS:** All of Season 4 is fair game but most of this is during/post Bloodlines.  
  
Again, thank you for the reviews – very much appreciated!

The Linley Parker case was devastating. Sara couldn't even take her statement. She didn't need to. It would be just like any other rape victim's story and she couldn't bear to hear it again. She worked the case from a distance. Hands off emotionally. It was better that way. It didn't really matter in the end. The monster was caught but Linley died.  
  
_She would never even know that he would pay for what he did. What kind of justice was that? Grissom once told me that everyday we would meet people on the worst day of their lives. I thought that was an acceptable fact of this job. One I could live with. He also told me to get a diversion. I don't think this was what he had in mind.  
  
_"Can I get you another?"

The bartender's voice brought Sara back to reality and she looked up.

"Uh, no, thanks, I'm done."

Sara paid the bill and left the bar. She slowly walked to her car and tried to push the day's events out of her mind. She thought of Nick and Warrick and suddenly wished she had taken up Warrick's suggestion to get something to eat. She couldn't actually remember when she ate last but right now her body was crying out for sleep more than anything else.

_I felt fine. Tired, but in control. How did a couple beers get me here? If this isn't rock bottom then I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. They called Grissom. I can't do this, not today, well not ever really. The disappointment that will be in his eyes and the inevitable lecture he is preparing right now. I – Oh god, there he is, whatever you do – don't cry!  
_  
"Come on, I'll take you home". Grissom grasped her hand tightly. When he saw her sitting there all he could feel was relief. She was really o.k. All the questions and stern words that raced through his mind on the drive to the station faded from his mind as he saw the embarrassment and sadness in her demeanor. There was something else there too. Defeat.  
  
Grissom kept holding her hand as they left the station and didn't say anything. He opened the door of the SUV and helped her in. As he got in the driver side he tried to catch her eye but she was staring out the window. She had yet to say anything.  
  
Sara didn't know what to make of his behavior. _Why doesn't he say something? He doesn't even look angry or disappointed but he must be. I wasn't prepared for this. Concern? He even touched me._ The small gesture was more powerful than any words and she blinked rapidly to hold back the tears as she thought of it.  
  
They drove the entire way in silence and as Grissom stopped in front of her building, Sara finally looked at him.  
  
"Thanks for the ride, I appreciate it." Sara averted her gaze and turned to open her door.  
  
"Sure." Grissom said while turning off the engine and removing the keys.  
  
As he opened his door, Sara realized he wasn't planning on just dropping her off and she felt her heart beat increase.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Walking you to your door." Grissom said plainly, as if it was something he did on a regular basis.  
  
Sara turned on her heel and walked quickly up the stairs. As they neared her apartment door she slowed and looked back at Grissom. He still looked calm, his eyes full of questions but still concerned. Sara opened the door and walked in, throwing her jacket towards the hook on the wall. She missed and it landed on the floor. Grissom followed her in, picking up her jacket and placing it on the hook. He slowly shut the door and took a few steps into the apartment. Sara faced him and could see he was trying to inconspicuously take in the surroundings. Finally, he spoke first.  
  
"Sara, I just want to help you. You haven't been yourself lately, well for quite awhile actually and now I realize-"  
  
"I'm not an alcoholic, if that's what you're thinking." Sara cut him off, "I was just tired and I got careless. I hadn't eaten for all day and had a couple beers. I really thought I was o.k. I know it sounds lame but it's true."  
  
"I believe you."  
  
Sara looked at him with surprise; she hadn't expected him to be so easily convinced.  
  
"Look Sara, I just want you to be happy again. I just want to help you .." Grissom's voice trailed off as he tried to decide what to say. He wasn't sure how to start this conversation and these weren't the circumstances he had imagined.

"That's a conflict of interest don't you think?" Sara's embarrassment was suddenly replaced with bitterness in her tone. She was getting angry. _How dare he say he wants me to be happy? If he really wanted that he would have – stop it, don't do this._  
  
"What do you mean?" Grissom's brow was furrowed with confusion.  
  
"You're either part of the problem or part of the solution." Sara turned away as she felt unshed tears stinging her eyes.  
  
Grissom sighed and decided now was not a good time to hash out all the issues between them. This latest incident was obviously just a small symptom of the greater problem and it needed to be discussed, later.  
  
"I don't think this is a good time to talk about – everything. You're tired and not entirely yourself right now so we should just talk later."  
  
Sara didn't turn around. She just nodded slightly without saying anything. She didn't trust her voice now that the tears she had been holding in started slowly trickling down her cheeks. She heard her door open and Grissom's footsteps as he walked out into the hallway. He stopped and looked back at Sara for a moment. _All I want to do is comfort her, hold her – no, now is not the time._  
  
"I'll be back later, get some sleep."  
  
Sara didn't respond and Grissom closed the door. As soon as the sound of his footsteps disappeared Sara gave in. The tears consumed her and she sank to floor shaking as the sobs overwhelmed her body.  
  
Sara stared at her clock trying to focus and compute just how long she had slept. _Four hours. I guess that's not too bad. I am surprised I was able to fall asleep at all. At least I don't remember my dreams. That's why I prefer passing out to just falling asleep. I rarely remember anything when I wake up._  
  
After a long hot shower and a bowel of cereal, Sara settled on the couch with her mug of coffee. Her head throbbed slightly so she decided to vegetate in front of the T.V. instead of reading. _Daytime T.V. really sucks. I wonder if Grissom will call first. Maybe he will change his mind and not come back. Of course I need a way to get to work. If I still have a job. I feel guilt even thinking about that. I could have killed someone last night, I deserve whatever happens. I should have left a long time ago – over 2 years ago to be exact. That damn plant. Just enough to give me hope. Never enough to actually risk anything to be with me. He just couldn't do it. _

Just thinking about the Marlin case and Grissom's speech made tears well up in Sara's eyes. She wanted to draw comfort from the fact that he admitted the feelings for her were there, but the rest of his admission overshadowed that. In the end, he chose his career and safety. Not loving her was safe.  
  
A knock on the door riled Sara from her thoughts. She rose to answer it and looked through the peephole. She paused briefly to compose herself before opening the door. _He actually came back._ Grissom stood there and smiled slightly as she caught his gaze.

"Hi" Sara started.

Grissom said nothing and just held out a small piece of blue paper. He handed it to Sara and watched her expression change from apprehension to confusion and then finally a smile formed on her lips as she read aloud.  
  
"RAIN CHECK" 

"This rain check is presented to Sara Sidle.

It is good for one breakfast (lunch or dinner also allowed) with Gil Grissom.

Conversation is optional but recommended.

Expiration Date: None"  
  
Sara looked up. Her eyes were glistening. She hadn't noticed that Grissom had come inside the apartment and shut the door.  
  
"Would you like to redeem that now?" Grissom asked gently.  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
The End


End file.
